MAMMAL MARCH MADNESS 2013!
ELEPHANT WINS!!
photo by Adrianne Gallatin
Mammal March Madness 2013 has now ended, but we will return in 2014 with new features including an EXTINCT mammal division, the tactic of TEAMWORK, & Guest Experts! This year most awesomely, Mammal March Madness was featured in Scientific American, SLATE, This View of Life, On a Quasi Related Note, and Mashable's One Mega Meta-Bracket to Rule Them All! Links to the 2013 Play-by-Play for each round are below with match outcomes explained by SCIENCE!
Wild Card: Naked Mole Rats vs Titi Monkeys!
First Round: CARNIVORES!
Wild Card: Naked Mole Rats vs Titi Monkeys!
First Round: CARNIVORES!
ADVANCING: Tiger, Honey Badger, River Otter, Elephant Seal, Hyena, Lion, Leopard Seal, Polar Bear
First Round: PRIMATES!
First Round: PRIMATES!
ADVANCING: Gorilla, Hanuman Langur, Hamadryas, Anubis Baboon, Gelada, Chimp, Uakari, Orangutan
First Round: GRAZERS/BROWSERS & HODGE PODGE
ADVANCING: Kangaroo, Platypus, Armadillo, Possum, Flying Fox, Warthog, Sloth, Koala, Elephant, Oryx, Tapir, Bison, Moose, Hippo, Elk, and Rhino
Second Round: Carnivores, HP, G-B, Primates!
ADVANCING: Honey Badger, Elephant Seal, Lion, Polar Bear, Armadillo, Kangaroo, Warthog, Sloth, Gorilla, Anubis (injured!), Chimp, Orangutan, Elephant, Bison, Hippo, Rhino
Sweet Sixteen: Carnivores, HP, G-B, Primates!
ADVANCING: Elephant Seal, Polar Bear, Kangaroo, Warthog, Gorilla, Chimp, Elephant, Hippo
Elite Eight: Carnivores, HP, G-B, Primates!
ADVANCING: Elephant Seal, Warthog, Gorilla, & Elephant
Final Four: MEGA-MADNESS!
Final: Elephant vs. Warthog
(Also awards for #2013MMM announced in the Final storify)
First Round: GRAZERS/BROWSERS & HODGE PODGE
ADVANCING: Kangaroo, Platypus, Armadillo, Possum, Flying Fox, Warthog, Sloth, Koala, Elephant, Oryx, Tapir, Bison, Moose, Hippo, Elk, and Rhino
Second Round: Carnivores, HP, G-B, Primates!
ADVANCING: Honey Badger, Elephant Seal, Lion, Polar Bear, Armadillo, Kangaroo, Warthog, Sloth, Gorilla, Anubis (injured!), Chimp, Orangutan, Elephant, Bison, Hippo, Rhino
Sweet Sixteen: Carnivores, HP, G-B, Primates!
ADVANCING: Elephant Seal, Polar Bear, Kangaroo, Warthog, Gorilla, Chimp, Elephant, Hippo
Elite Eight: Carnivores, HP, G-B, Primates!
ADVANCING: Elephant Seal, Warthog, Gorilla, & Elephant
Final Four: MEGA-MADNESS!
Final: Elephant vs. Warthog
(Also awards for #2013MMM announced in the Final storify)
BACKGROUND:
In honor of the NCAA College Basketball March Madness Championship Tournament, Mammals Suck is featuring *simulated* head to head combat competition among mammals.
After exhaustive scientific consideration, and lots of "oohing" and "aaahing" over David MacDonald's Encyclopedia of Mammals, we have generated a Mammals Suck March Madness Bracket!
If you are one of my academic friends who has never before filled out an NCAA March Madness Bracket, please see the bracket FAQ at the end of this post.
Organized within the class Mammalia mostly by either Clade or Grade (assuming that "Hodge Podge" consitutes a grade, which it doesn't), we have seeded some heavy hitters, in-it-to-win-its, eyes on the prize, long-shots, dark horses and under-dogs (although no actual Equus or Canis familiaris). And don't think you just get to have fun without any learning. Expect fun facts about the species' ecology, social behavior, evolution, and reproduction.
photo by James Weis. Full photo story is AMAZING
We have a crack team of R virtuosos putting together code to generate match-up outcomes with some random probability upsets and surprise Cinderellas.
Battle outcome is a function of the two species' attributes within the battle environment. The battles are one on one meaning that only one individual represents a species against one individual from another species. Attributes considered in calculating battle outcome are temperament, weaponry, armor, body mass, fight style, and magic. Some random error has been introduced into calculating battle outcome & the amount of that error is scaled to the disparity in rankings between combatants.
Early rounds, the battle occurs in the better-ranked species' habitat (home court advantage). BUT once we get to the Division finals, battle location will be random: rainforest, savannah, swamplands/deltas, or snowy tundra/mountains.
you should totally watch this video
before they force me to take it down.
before they force me to take it down.
They are in it to win it!
and importantly...
Bracket FAQ:
What do the numbers next to the Mammals mean?
These correspond to the relative rankings among the species. 1 is the highest/best ranked team in the division and 16 is the lowest/worst- the number assigned is referred to as "seeding" but its functionally interchangeable with ranking (seeded/ranked are therefore also interchangeable).
The single elimination bracket battle favors the strongest teams until you get out to the semi-finals: 1 plays(crushes) 16, 2 plays 15…
Oh and just like the military, or the hunger games, and to a lesser extent academia- its up or out. As soon as a species loses, its out of the tournament.
What is an "upset"?
This is when a low ranked team beats a high ranked team. 9 beating 8 isn't a super impressive upset. In the actual NCAA tournament upsets happen when a 12 will beat a 5 or an 11 will beat a 6, once every few years a 15 will beat a 2 in the first round. For example,
“Coming off its 11th national championship the season before, UCLA was ready to make another run through the 1996 NCAA tournament as a No. 4 seed. But in his final year as coach, Pete Carril and his 13 seeded Princeton offense got the best of the Bruins, stunning Jim Harrick’s squad in the first round with a last-second basket on a backdoor cut.”
Damn!
What is a “Cinderella” team?
A "cinderella" teams is a low-ranked team that progresses multiple rounds of the tournament systematically beating higher ranked teams.
So should I always pick the better ranked mammal?
No! Real fans don’t abandon their favorite mammals just because they are pathetic at this kind of battle (although hopefully well-suited to their particular ecological niche). People will clown you if your bracket is TOO conservative by always picking the higher ranked team. Also the rankings are not infallible, I have already heard about how terribly under-seeded the platypus is because, after all, the males have venomous spurs.
Upsets are what make March Madness exciting. Like if the Dik Dik beats the Elephant Round 1- OMG NO ONE SAW THAT COMING!!!!!(but I think we can feel pretty certain that is very unlikely to happen).
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March 11th, 2013 Update Play by Play
Mammals March Madness is getting ready to start with the wild card match between naked mole rat and dusky titi monkey.
We are joined by some impressive commentators here in the studio.
First the singing of the global anthem.
Please welcome to the stage “Three Dog Night”
“Interesting selection for global anthem, mention of fish and amphibians, but no mammals” –Bob
“Well, Bob, all animals are awesome. & the message by Three Dog Night really speaks to everyone” –Effie
“I can’t find Lady Bullfrogs or Rainbow Riders in the bracket” –Fred
“The ref reminds the opponents that he wants to see a clean game” -Bob
“Hmmm, I have to question the impartiality of this referee, especially when we get to the Carnivore Division tomorrow” –Bob
*The location of the battle, African underground burrow or South American Forest, will be determined by coin toss*
“Naked Mole Rat chooses heads, a natural selection” –Effie
"ITS TAILS!!! So perfect because Titi monkeys tail twine w/ their family as a bonding behavior" -Effie
“That is going to be a real challenge for the Naked Mole Rats, a subterranean species” –Bob
“Hmmmm according to my binder full of mammals, they're not a mole or a rat and they definitely have hair” –Fred
“Naked Mole Rats live in communal colonies in Africa & only the queen and 1-2 males breed” –Effie
“The queen naked mole rat is very large, but she is a coward and has pushed a smaller naked mole rat forward to battle” –Bob
“The male titi monkey investigates maybe because the naked mole rat looks like a newborn titi!?!” –Effie
“In titi monkeys FATHERS do most of the infant carrying and retrieving…” –Bob
“And babies form close attachment bonds to their fathers” –Effie
“Hmmm we’re getting reports in from the audience watching at home that consensus is that @Mammals_Suck is really milking this.”
“That’s what she does, Bob.” -Effie
"In a burst of fury at the titi invader the naked mole rat charges- biting and clinging!"
"But the bites do not penetrate the titi's thick coat and the clinging signals 'baby titi monkey' to Dad!"
"Male titi monkey springs to the tree, dragging naked mole rat with him..."
"Jumps to branch and mid leap naked mole rat falls... plummeting to the ground"
"Never getting cancer is small defense against gravity... naked mole rat is defeated."
"DUSKY TITI WINS WILD CARD!!! ADVANCES TO TOURNAMENT TO FACE GORILLA!!!"
Further Reading
Cooney, Rosie. "Colony defense in Damaraland mole-rats, Cryptomys damarensis." Behavioral Ecology 13.2 (2002): 160-162.
Fernandez-Duque, Eduardo, Claudia R. Valeggia, and Sally P. Mendoza. "The biology of paternal care in human and nonhuman primates." Annual Review of Anthropology 38 (2009): 115-130.
Liang, Sitai, et al. "Resistance to experimental tumorigenesis in cells of a long‐lived mammal, the naked mole‐rat (Heterocephalus glaber)." Aging cell 9.4 (2010): 626-635.
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